John Mitchell, the current England Rugby defence coach, has had to withdraw from training this week because of problems he’s encountering with a large and constant erection. Following an incredible away win in Dublin, a huge amount of positive reaction has swept the way of the England team, and in particular Mitchell. Such an outpouring…
Jones To Ask Nowell Out On Proper Date
Eddie Jones is plucking up the courage to ask Jack Nowell out on a full blown date, The Crooked Feed understands. After dancing around the issue for several months now, England’s head honcho is preparing to pop the big question as the squad gets itself ready for the Six Nations opener against Ireland. Jones, 58,…
Stop Cleaning Up After Yourselves Says Cleaning Company Paid To Clean Up After Rugby Teams
A company tasked with cleaning up changing rooms at rugby grounds has hit back at players and club officials doing their job for them. A spokesman from ‘Spick & Span’, a cleaning company that won the lucrative Recreation Ground contract back in January of 2018, has lashed out at the likes of Manu Tuilagi, and…
Carling Not Sure What To Do As England Train
Will Carling, the former England Rugby captain and suitor to the People’s Princess, Lady Di (rest in peace), has stood around well at England training this week, and generally nodded at the right times. Carling has been brought in and been given an official tracksuit, which allows him to stand near the pitch that England…
Bruce’s Balls The Wrong Shape
Bruce Craig, the well known friend of James Dyson, wants a different shaped ball with which to play Bath’s rugby matches. In a bold move, and following on from his request to replay the game against Toulouse because the ref got a few things wrong, Craig is claiming that the odd shaped ball that rugby…
Leinster To Make Love To Your Wife
Leinster Rugby Club are delighted to announce their own Concierge Service, The Crooked Feed can exclusively reveal. Off the back of their impressive win over Wasps in the Heineken Cup, the Irish Province feel it is the right time to launch their new ‘attendant’ business. ‘Leinster International Concierge Service’ will be run by the club,…
Leicester’s Got Talent
Leicester Tigers are excited to reveal, exclusive to The Crooked Feed, a brand new reality show called “Do You Wanna Have A Go?” Based on the likes of “Britain’s Got Talent” and “Masterchef”, the game will see the famous English rugby club turn to its fans to see if they would like to be Director…
World Rugby Takes Intentional Shit On American Soil
World Rugby’s plan to take horrendous games of rugby to the United States of America is now really starting to take shape. In a complicated, yet understandable, course of action, The Crooked Feed can now reveal that there is a coordinated attack on the American market. Twenty thousand unfortunate people gathered at the Robert F…
Stephen Jones A Bit Like Jesus
“He brings rugby fans together like no one else I know. I’m not sure he really knows the extent of his powers but he’s a bit like Jesus.” Those are the incredible words of Andre Crevice who is Head of Rugby Twitter and a man who knows exactly how to convey his meaning in less…
Australia Confirmed as Full Blown Arseholes
The International Arsehole Commission has confirmed that Cricket Australia is now at a level where everyone can refer to them as arseholes. Previous calls earlier in the test series, when David Warner was just being an arsehole on his own, had led a few sections of the population to declare the whole team as arseholes,…
Eddie Wants Wayne Barnes To Ref All Of England’s Games
England Rugby are to approach World Rugby to see if Wayne Barnes can ref some, if not all, of their future games. In light of recent results, Eddie Jones is said to feel that Barnes could well penalise the opposition a bit more than England, therefore making them look a lot less shit than they…
Scottish People Still Finding Saturday Really, Really Funny
Things may be pretty much returning to normal south of the border but up in Scotland, people are still pissing themselves laughing when they think of what happened when Scotland beat England at Murrayfield on Saturday. Certain businesses are struggling to get a huge amount done, bus stops are erupting into fits of giggles, and…
