Barnes the bounty as Saturday’s Test gets fucking massive

Rugby fans from the UK will be even more excited about the final and deciding test between the Lions and New Zealand as Stuart Barnes has been put forward as a tantalising bounty. 

After a boozy night out last weekend, the Executive Producer for Sky Sports Rugby, Jeremy Scrumdown, ended up in an outrageous bet with a group of Kiwi media moguls and wagered that they would leave Stuart Barnes in New Zealand if the Lions won the series. “The details are a little hazy,” said a Sky Sports spokesman, “But we do seem to have done a deal with New Zealand TV. If the British and Irish Lions win on Saturday and claim a historic victory, Stuart Barnes will spout his bollocks on Kiwi television for the foreseeable future.”

Whether Barnes is aware or indeed whether his family are ready to relocate doesn’t seem to bother too many people as the chance to offload the punditry plank to the other side of the world seems too good to miss. 

Frank Tiptoe, of the online Facebook group ‘Shut your cakehole Stuart’, couldn’t be happier. “We’ve had to put up with some utter toss these past few weeks from Barnes, so this could be an incredible development. I’ve sat through the last two tests pressing the mute button on and off, just so I can just listen to Miles Harrison. It’s been really tricky. I think I have RSI in my thumb. There’s loads of us in the group, including Alan Wyn Jones’ wife and Clive Woodward. We are really excited about this opportunity. Make no mistake, Saturday morning is now fucking massive.”

If the All Blacks win, New Zealand have agreed to send journalist Mark Reason back to England. It is rumoured he will work as special correspondent in Liverpool for The Sun Newspaper.

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