RFU Remove Balls From Women

The RFU are to remove rugby balls from Women’s Rugby in an attempt to try and save money.

Following their announcement to remove the funding from the 15-a-side version of the women’s game following the forthcoming World Cup, England Rugby’s governing body has seen a further opportunity to save cash by removing the balls from the women’s game altogether.

Leonard Clutchpole, who is part of the Women’s RFU Decisions Committee, spoke from the window of his Audi Q8 in a condescending tone on his way out of the car park at Twickenham HQ. “We’ve looked at women’s rugby and women’s sport in general. Balls are expensive and huge amounts of training can be done without them. We’ve spoken to the coaches and taken them through a myriad of visualisation techniques, which we use in the men’s game. Sure there will be a period of transition, perhaps some anger, but ultimately we feel the ladies will be better off without balls.”

Apparently even Sevens, which had previously been given monetary support by the RFU, will have to operate without any size 5s and there was even talk of running being restricted. “We tried to think about what we wanted to see in women’s sport,” continued Clutchpole, “and how to save money. We talked about skipping rather than running, no referees and perhaps trying to play without lines on the pitch. Balls was the unanimous decision in the end, so we went with that. I mean, you have to remember, we are trying to cut costs. People seem to forget how poor we are as an organisation. These are austere times in the girls’ game. You will have to excuse me though, I have a box at the Ballet tonight.”

No one from the Women’s game was available for comment although a spokesperson, who wanted to remain nameless, did get in touch with The Crooked Feed via email. “This is another example of men trying to hamper the development of women’s sport,” she wrote, “It is ridiculous. To see the success and interest in cricket and football lately has been wonderful and I know rugby will not be far behind. After all, we’ve come a long way ‘without balls’ already, I can’t see these twats stopping us for long.”

The Women’s Rugby World Cup 2017 kicks off on Wednesday 9th August, and is being staged in Dublin and Belfast. Coverage of this fantastic sporting occasion will be on ITV. We suggest you have the balls to watch it.

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