Round 2 of the Aviva Premiership – More Opinionated Tosh

Round 2 of the Aviva Premiership and the hits just keep coming. Lots more intriguing and well constructed egg chasing, and one particular team continue to impress, but the weekend was not without asterisk. There are fans who had to sit through 80 minutes of “rugby” on Friday night and the Tigers faithful were left wondering how in tossing fuck they could lose against Northampton. Here are four talking points which hopefully you can digest and pass off as your own.

Sale Newcastle shit show

As if in penance for last weekend’s try haul, the Aviva Premiership spent Friday night clawing some back. There were some tiny pellets of goodness lying deep amongst the manure produced in the North West but, touchdown wise, the best Sale and Newcastle could conjure up was a penalty try. At least this allowed us to understand that the new law means a straight seven points without need for a conversion. Faf de Klerk looked tidy, but then again FW de Klerk would have looked good out there and he’s 81. Newcastle stole the points and are still unbeaten. They head to Philadelphia as a reward; Saracens in the States their particular Rubik’s Cube. I hope the rugby improves, the Septics have had enough to deal with at the moment.

Knockout rugby at the Gardens

People were writing Saintly obituaries last weekend and calling for Dorian West’s head. But few had banked on Leicester Tigers turning up at Franklin’s Gardens with their legs open. Northampton were better than on the opening weekend but really, bar Jonny May’s try in the 80th minute, the Welford Road massive looked as likely to delight as Rolf Harris at a school fete. Everything is too flat, too static and the pack doesn’t look hungry. Manu’s twelve week layoff seems unlucky but maybe he just didn’t fancy lining up in this team. Of most concern was what happened to Dominic Ryan. To all intents and purposes the Irish No.6 was sparko, face down on the turf. But when attended to by medical staff he was cleared to resume. Cue the HIA twitterati convulsing: questions still to be answered methinks. Matt O’Connor has his own headache to sort.  

Early Bath a winner

My goodness Bath are good. Saracens came a-calling on Saturday and the Rec men opened the door, answered all their questions and then sent them on their way. When Bath’s first half lead was assailed late in the second, you thought Saracens would waltz home with the points, but Semesa Rokoduguni had other ideas. Not only did he slice in two Europe’s best defence like an ice skate through dogshit on 77 minutes, he intercepted the ball from a last ditch Saracens attack and jogged in nonchalantly from 80 yards, obtaining, as he went, the freedom of the city and the right to receive a soapy tit-wank off any female fan in a ten mile radius. That’s two very good wins from two for Blackadder’s men. Sounds like a cunning plan…

Danny’s tackling masterclass

Sunday afternoon at Sixways and Wasps made hard work of the Warriors, and whilst not all blame can be laid at Cippers’ door, his tackling of the Worcester midfield was akin to an armless man in a clapping contest. Twinkly he might be, and indeed Bassett’s final try was down to a little bit of Cipriani sexchat, but my lord he leaves a lot to be desired in defence. Maybe it’s just not his thing this season. You know, like playing for England isn’t his thing either.

Round Three will be upon us soon, make room. No, more room than that. It’s going to be big. Ta-ra.


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