Eddie Jones and Warren Gatland will fight each other at halftime in the game between England and Wales at Twickenham this weekend, the Six Nations is delighted to announce.
In a unprecedented step, both country’s governing bodies have ratified the contest, the first officially recognised fight to take place between head coaches from opposing international sides, with Martyn Phillips, the Welsh Rugby Union Chief Executive, stating “the RFU had better check themselves, before they wreck themselves.”
The event will be three, three-minute rounds of mixed martial arts with the octagon being lowered into the centre of Twickenham by a huge, fuck off helicopter.
Jones carries a huge amount of expectation into the fight, as he is seen by a majority of the English public as a man who can do anything. A natural south-paw, and a renowned brawler, he stands at 5’8” and weighs in at just under 200lbs. His reach is shorter than Gatland’s but he is more than happy getting up close and personal. His takedowns are something Gatland will be wary of, and it is expected that the New Zealander will try and attack from distance. The bookies make Jones the slight favourite, even though this will be the first fight the Tasmanian has fought since his defeat to Dylan Hartley, just over a year ago.
Gatland has had his fair share of blockbuster bouts and enters this particular contest on something of a crest of a wave. His defeat on points to Sean O’Brien towards the end of last summer is said to motivate him on a daily basis, and his camp feels Jones is the perfect opposition. The England Head Honcho recently threw his hat into the ring for the much coveted Lions Belt. Gatland has defended that title before, although, it is thought, that will not be on the line this weekend.
Ring girls will not be used on Saturday. In light of other sports’ decisions to step down the practice, The Six Nations and their sponsors Natwest have asked Graham Rowntree, Jason Leonard and Shaun Williamson (Barry off Eastenders) to sashay around the ring semi naked, holding the boards over their heads.
The much anticipated undercard fight will also, unfortunately, not go ahead. Rob Howley was due to fight Paul Gustard in a no-holds-barred ladder match-up, but the former Wales scrum half has had to pull out, citing ‘being shit scared’ as the problem.