World Rugby’s plan to take horrendous games of rugby to the United States of America is now really starting to take shape. In a complicated, yet understandable, course of action, The Crooked Feed can now reveal that there is a coordinated attack on the American market.
Twenty thousand unfortunate people gathered at the Robert F Kennedy Memorial Stadium in the US capital on Saturday and were treated to a game of rugby akin to shaving your own nut sack with a rusty knife. South Africa played Wales, in what is being described by many as ‘one of the worst games of test rugby ever played’. The showpiece was part of World Rugby’s supposed attempt to take rugby to a new market but we have been told that “America is only getting what it deserves”.
Speaking to The Crooked Feed from an undisclosed location in middle Europe, Garibald Owen, who once worked directly for World Rugby boss Brett Gosper, explained the full extent of the plan. “The latest match is just a continuation of a process which began in March 2016 when London Irish played awfully against a disappointing Saracens’ side in New York. Yes, they are abhorrent games of rugby but the last thing we need is America enjoying rugby. Once in a while, the Yanks get excited because they have some success in the Sevens or beat Canada. These godforsaken matches are designed to make them think that our sport is shit. I mean, have you met any Americans? Why would you want them involved?”
Casey Aloominum from Albany in upstate New York, travelled to Washington after a friend from England had told him about Rugby Union. “I love the Princess of Wales and Africa is a place I’d love to visit, with its Pyramids and Great Wall. I didn’t know that they played rugby and I have to say, I found the game a little confusing. I think we need more referees and maybe some planned moves. The old guys singing were cute. Maybe they could do that during the game a bit more. Up against some other singers. The Africans could do a special dance with spears and elephants. I’d probably watch it on TV next time though.”
“You see,” said Owen, having listened to our interview with Casey. “Dickheads, everyone of them. Well played South Africa and Wales I say.”