Bruce’s Balls The Wrong Shape

Bruce Craig, the well known friend of James Dyson, wants a different shaped ball with which to play Bath’s rugby matches.

In a bold move, and following on from his request to replay the game against Toulouse because the ref got a few things wrong, Craig is claiming that the odd shaped ball that rugby has played with since time immemorial, is a particular disadvantage to his side.

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“There is a problem with Bath’s balls,” said Ben Cuckold, a man who works for Craig in some capacity, and we suspect was only employed because his initials are BC. “The oval shape does bounce rather erratically and Bruce feels this is very much not in keeping with the spirit of the game. When you are pumping in as much cash as he is, you’d like to think you could rely on how a ball is going to react to the turf. A letter has been written and all the balls around the Bath team will be adjusted accordingly. I understand Bruce will be squeezing each one to make sure they are perfectly round.”

No one from World Rugby or EPCR or the RFU would comment on the proposal, although James Dyson was keen to lend his support. “Our vacuum cleaners have balls in them, and they are round. I can’t see what the problem is.”

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