A company tasked with cleaning up changing rooms at rugby grounds has hit back at players and club officials doing their job for them.
A spokesman from ‘Spick & Span’, a cleaning company that won the lucrative Recreation Ground contract back in January of 2018, has lashed out at the likes of Manu Tuilagi, and asked them to stick to what they do best.
“I’m not sure what he’s trying to fucking achieve but my guys are dickhead furious,” said Joe Squeaky, Head of Contracts for the Trowbridge based company, and an unfortunate Tourette’s sufferer. “We turned up at the Rec last weekend I’m going to fist you only to find the away changing room had been Tuilagi’s a twat cleared up. We lost out; Bath the bastards won’t pay us for work we haven’t done. Leicester might be doing it for social media pricks retweets, but I don’t find it very amusing!”
The Leicester Centre is only the latest in a line of documented clean ups, some from players as young as thirteen, seemingly all emanating from the All Blacks doing it first.
“I think they may be doing it to stay humble handjob at half time. Like cleaning up makes them better than others, wankers. It’s a growing concern and we are of the opinion mine looks like an arsehole that they should stick to what they do and let us clean up. We don’t run on the pitch and start chucking the ball around tiger twat faces. I much prefer it when Sale Sharks come to visit. Diamond doesn’t lift a tossing finger, god bless him. Cunt.” *
As we head into a Rugby World Cup year, there are genuine fears that cleaning companies could face more heartbreak. “More and more teams are seeing it as the right thing to do,” said Angus Arsecheek, who runs the think tank ‘Seemingly Good Things Are Actually Bad’.
“Good honest people are being put out of work, because the All Blacks put out a mission statement on a poster and film themselves getting bags off buses. I mean, there are hotel porters in Japan right now cacking their pants about not getting paid. As for Manu, I think he needs to concentrate on getting Leicester out of the hole they’re in. Eddie Jones wouldn’t have him sweeping up, that’s for sure.”
*we have tried to italicise the swearing from Joe Squeaky, but sometimes we weren’t sure.