John Mitchell, the current England Rugby defence coach, has had to withdraw from training this week because of problems he’s encountering with a large and constant erection. Following an incredible away win in Dublin, a huge amount of positive reaction has swept the way of the England team, and in particular Mitchell. Such an outpouring of adulation, coupled with what was an absolutely banging defensive display in Dublin, has led to what one doctor referred to as ‘constant wood’.
The New Zealander, who has enjoyed coaching spells in a number of different countries and leagues, was unavailable for comment. Although those close to the England team have been able to give first-hand accounts (so to speak) of exactly what is going on to The Crooked Feed.
“It started on Sunday morning in the hotel dining room,” said our informant. “Mitch was acting weirdly in the doorway of the restaurant and he called Eddie over to have a look. He was obviously aroused having been through a tape of the match before breakfast, but on this occasion, things didn’t seem to go away. Eddie sent him back to his room and ordered some room service. Apparently, just being around the likes of Mako, Manu and Henry Slade gives Mitchell a massive boner.”
It is not yet understood if the problem has been overcome and there have been reports of Mitchell failing to show to training early this week.
“Eddie thinks Mitch will be back very soon,” continued our inside line. “He’s been watching some old England tapes from when Andy Robinson was in charge of England and it seems to be doing the trick. He was very proud of the boys and what they did in Dublin. He’s just struggling to come to terms with how good they were. Watching the way they tackled and pressed made us all feel different things. For John, all the blood flows to his cock. He’ll be back for France, you can hang your hat on it.”