Eddie Jones is not 100% certain of other scrum-halves’ names after receiving criticism for playing Ben Youngs for too long in Six Nations matches.
Youngs has played nearly every minute of all three England games, and when asked in a press conference about it, Jones showed that there’s only ever been one person on his mind.
“Youngs has been brilliant for us, magnificent, top drawer…” countered the Australian, who’d just witnessed England lose to Wales in Cardiff. “I had thought about bringing on the blonde-haired lad, what’s his name, Dean? David? David Robbins? Ah shit, you know, the guy from Wasps… but not Simmons. Joe Simmons. The other one. Robinson? Ah fuck. Anyway, I didn’t think we need to put him on; he looks too small. Robertson? Roberts. Dave Roberts.”
And when pressed, Jones revealed that Dan Robson was not the only scrum-half he’d forgotten about.
“We’ve got lots of depth and quality at 9. There’s the guy with the hair at Quins, the one who does the podcast with Uno Monye… Flair, I think, or something like that. Then ‘whatshischops’ at Chiefs, really young: looks like a Jim, or a Jonny. The bloke at Bath: Bill Chutney. And then the chaps at Gloucester: Ventatrott, Voldebott, er, Vulvasnot. And the bald one, ex-Kiwi: Baxter, no Campbell, something to do with soups; he’s English now… When you list them all out, there’s loads of talent out there challenging Benny Youngs. What about Frank de Klerk at Sale, eh? He’s pretty good. I might get him in.”