Jones To Ask Nowell Out On Proper Date

Eddie Jones is plucking up the courage to ask Jack Nowell out on a full blown date, The Crooked Feed understands. After dancing around the issue for several months now, England’s head honcho is preparing to pop the big question as the squad gets itself ready for the Six Nations opener against Ireland. Jones, 58,…

Carling Not Sure What To Do As England Train

Will Carling, the former England Rugby captain and suitor to the People’s Princess, Lady Di (rest in peace), has stood around well at England training this week, and generally nodded at the right times. Carling has been brought in and been given an official tracksuit, which allows him to stand near the pitch that England…

Eddie Wants Wayne Barnes To Ref All Of England’s Games

England Rugby are to approach World Rugby to see if Wayne Barnes can ref some, if not all, of their future games. In light of recent results, Eddie Jones is said to feel that Barnes could well penalise the opposition a bit more than England, therefore making them look a lot less shit than they…

Scottish People Still Finding Saturday Really, Really Funny

Things may be pretty much returning to normal south of the border but up in Scotland, people are still pissing themselves laughing when they think of what happened when Scotland beat England at Murrayfield on Saturday. Certain businesses are struggling to get a huge amount done, bus stops are erupting into fits of giggles, and…

Jones To Fight Gatland at Halftime

Eddie Jones and Warren Gatland will fight each other at halftime in the game between England and Wales at Twickenham this weekend, the Six Nations is delighted to announce. In a unprecedented step, both country’s governing bodies have ratified the contest, the first officially recognised fight to take place between head coaches from opposing international…

Popular Jones Should Be In Charge Of Everything

Eddie Jones, the England Rugby Head Coach, should be put in charge of everything says one British MP. Ian Cornerflag is the Member of Parliament for Bishops Widget in Shropshire and has seen enough from the England Rugby Coach to suggest things would be a lot better with him in charge of pretty much everything….

Jones Struggling To Not Pick Armand

Eddie Jones has just a few days to come up with a decent excuse as to why he won’t pick Don Armand in his England squad for the upcoming Autumn Internationals. The Exeter back row has been in sparkling form of late, as he has been most of his career, and yet has failed to…